the return to innocence

"My God - I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."
-Martha Singer

Thank you Martha for that quote. I think that it appropriatly represents these past two nights... Except in a different way. I haven't had such a good time at a dance in heaven knows when. But I haven't been danced with like that since God knows when. It was beautiful, and it was wonderful, but it was also innocent. It was like before all that crap happened to me. I was not worried about rubbing against anyone because I knew that the people I was with weren't thinking in the wrong ways. And the men I danced with - last night and tonight - know what they're doing. They KNOW how to dance - but the bigger part is that they know how to LEAD. They know how to make the woman look good as well as himself, and they know how to make it all happen without confusing the heck out of the woman. They're not doing anything or putting their hands anywhere they shouldn't. And that has to be the SEXIEST thing I've ever encountered... I've never met a man like that before in my life. Then again, recently, I'd never met a 100% gentleman either... So I guess someone was hiding all the wonderful men out there! I'm glad that I finally have some brothers that won't hurt me - that will treat me right. Taken care of...

The return to innocence is something I've been trying so hard to acheive for a while - and I think I'm finally there - or close to it. I haven't had an impure thought about a guy or wondering about dating every guy I meet in a while. I'm not focused on that at all anymore, and it's wonderful. I've learned to lean back, and wait. If a guy wants to dance with me, and is respectable, he'll ask. If he wants to go out with me - he'll ask. He'll ask, and have enough self esteem and confidence to be ready to be turned down. THAT's something sexy. I'm alright on my own. Finally. But I am. I don't need a guy to take me to dinner or to complicate my life, so I'm not going to lay myself down and ask a guy to. That's what's been happening in the world lately. Women are so desperate because of what the media and society tells us that they are willing to lower their sexual status and take the role of the man and ask. Then they wonder where the leaders are - the men who sweet women off their feet. Well, you took away their job. You're doing the work for them, and they're becoming pansies. It's not like this everywhere, you know. A friend of my pastor went to work in China for an extended period of time (such as 6 months) and said that while he was there that all sexual and relational pressures almost ceased. It wasn't for lack of women - it was the society. The U.S is a very materialistic place, and we've even turned significant others into things. That's why men and women can treat each other so horribly.

I was watching Kate and Leopold the other day. I thought; if men were so shivoulrous all the time, so gentlemanly, women would feel compelled to match the standard. They would act like ladies. And imagine a world where if a man should ever offend a woman, it is a horrid thing and he would feel so horrible himself. A woman is alowed to slap a man across the face when due, and a man can shake a woman if she's gone off her rocker - but none would ever hit the other with intentions of doing real damage. How beautiful. Are there men left? Because I only see boys... ((( Not to mention all the tomboys running around... ))) <3

PS - "It's meeting the man of your dreams, then meeting his beautiful wife." -Alanis Morrisett I'm not saying that this just happened (expecially not someones' wife...), but even if it had, it wouldn't matter to me because I have no part of action. Pffttt.

*listening to The Cranberries - complements of Mike*