I knew you liked stabbing me in the heart with your knife...

January 22, 2006

I wonder if Travis was right... Maybe I am protecting myself from something. I went over my old diaries looking for that romance that I thought I once felt and only saw sin and heartbreak instead. So maybe I'm protecting myself from getting into another impure relationship. I don't think a guy is out there who would keep the boundaries so tight to stay. I'd always have to play hall monitor. Yeah, I just watched another chick flick. "Must Love Dogs" I know their boundaries weren't what I would call pure by any means, but he was nuts about her and was real. About his life. I'm almost inclined to renounce my vow and start blind dating or something. See if any of my friends know any good Christian guys. But I know this will only cause me more heartache because they simply don't exist. Christian guys do - but they're still guys. I don't think I could have "A Walk To Remember" relationship with a post-modern guy. Ya know, keeping even the boundaries in kissing tight. Let alone pysical where-and-when boundaries. So nevermind. Plus, if a guy were going to be some night in shining armour, he'd bash through the celebacy wall on his own and sweep me off my feet. ((( no wonder no guys is good enough )))

PS - My friend called me an a**hole two nights ago. He was serious, and he won't apologise. I guess I screwed myself and now I'm just one of the guys. He knows I hate it when he swears (I say so every time) so I don't know what his deal is. So much for shivalry and my trying to be a lady...