failure

I just got back my PolySci exam... *sob* I got a B on the essay part but a 32% on the multiple choice. It's one thing to get a 65% on your Spanish exam - Spanish being your obsession - but holding the professor to blame who doesn't like you anyhow (even though I could have taught myself more), but it's another to have your favourite class turn out this way when she's also your favourite professor. She holds me to high standards. I know she can see some sort of reflection of herself in me, me being a Christian Hippie Radical - she just being a Hippie Radical... but I'm a failure at one of my favourite things - LEARNING. I'm sorry Ashley. I thought you might set the bar and I could apire to it. If you can do it, then why can't I? So I'm sitting here whimpering like a 5 year old with a broken doll. She said to me "Veronica, you know how I feel about you, but this is just unacceptable." I've spread myself too thin, or something. SOMETHING... I'm such a failure...

And then when all I want to do is go climb my tree and cry more or find some bottles and throw them at the side of the house, I have to come home instead and write a friggen 4 page paper that refuses to be longer than 2... I hate myself... It's a good thing I'm leaving the country...

(listening to K-Pax... I want my best friend...)